Vacay!! Road Trip!!

Well, good people, as of 5 p.m. today, I officially went on vacation!!

Yes, that’s right, the last hurray before the summer truly ends after Labor Day.

I plan to have at least five magical, fun-filled days. At least I hope.

Atlanta Pride is this weekend, and I should be there. Maybe I’ll see you there!!

At least I hope.

I’ll keep you posted…


I Miss College

School has started again.Since I live in town that has two major universities and a community college, it’s hard not to notice the increased traffic on Tennessee and Monroe streets; the crowded malls and movie theatres; the backed-up line at the most popular food staple, Guthrie’s (ooh, they have the best chicken fingers).

As aggravating as it is when you go from having a quiet summer to a hectic fall, I kinda enjoy the students coming back. It adds a sort of excitement to the city. It’s only a matter of time before homecoming is here, and I’ll see all my college buddies who came here to see the football game or just to reminisce about the good times.

I’m so far removed from my undergrad years it’s not even funny. I graduated back in 2000, more than six years ago. After three years, you don’t recognize anyone who’s there now, and all of my college buddies have move on from this small college town they swore they wanted to get the hell out of–one way or another.

I miss my college days, though. It was a carefree time, one where I didn’t wake up until my first class of the day, didn’t have to worry about student loans or credit card bills. A time when my only worry was finding time to have lunch with my friends everyday. If I could do those days all over again, I would.

Most people say their best time was in high school. Mine was in college; high school sucked for me. But in undergrad I was surrounded more by people like me, people who were smart and hardworking, and not thrown together in one room because they were forced to. It seemed everyone was on my level, and if they weren’t, they didn’t make you feel inferior. It was the time I explored my sexuality on so many levels (hope that doesn’t make me sound like a whore 🙂 — who cares it’s college!!!). It’s the time when I realized that I didn’t have to listen to my parents, but whom I eventually found out were right about everything.

These things I truly miss about college…

  • Late-night trips to Wal-Mart: Okay, everyone knows the best time to shop for groceries is at 1 a.m. That’s the time you’ll see one of your friends or that girl from your English class you thought was so cute. Even better, where else can you pick up condoms, a bouquet of flowers, Tic Tacs, a box of Frosted Flakes, The Best Man DVD and a new iron all in the same spot. (Please don’t ask me what these all have in common. It’s just the mystery of Wal-Mart). And in a small town what else is there to do when you can’t sleep?
  • Guthrie’s runs: Ooh, nothing’s better than getting a hot box of chicken fingers, all fries, now slaw, and extra sauce. (Besides, that’s about all they have on the menu). Me and my friends lived off this shit. Not more than one week would go by without someone saying, “I wanna Gut box.” Grads come back to our town and don’t consider it a complete visit without a trip to Guthrie’s.
  • Midnight movies: Every weekend, me and mi amigos headed for the AMC 20 to see whatever movie they had we hadn’t seen. Back then in 98-99, teen comedies were all the rage, ala American Pie, She’s All That and 10 Things I Hate About You. We saw them all (including Jawbreakers). It was also the time of funny and thoughtful Black movies, like The Best Man and The Wood. So there was never a slack in good movies we saw. And going to a show at 1:15 in the morning and then heading to a 24-hour diner afterwards was no biggie for us. We didn’t have to worry about jobs that started at 8 a.m.
  • Not having bills: Besides the exception of buying books every semester, I didn’t have any major expenses (hence, I could take all these excursions to restaurants and movies.) My friends and I now joke how we had more money back then than we do now. But we didn’t have to pay back major money for credit cars, have student loan invoices coming to our house or car notes and mortgages to worry about. My parents paid for my car and insurance, and Gas back then was only 0.99, so I could fill up my tank for only $7, riding to my heart’s content. I was partially on scholarship, so all I had to do was wait for my net check. Aah, it was a lovely feeling.
  • Knowing everyone was here: Most of the people I graduated with have long ago left the town. We’ve all branched out. I keep in touch with a few close ones, but the gang’s all gone. And it saddens me sometimes. It was great to have the camaraderie around me, especially now that we’re all out in the “real world” and have to deal with the blight of office politics.

College is gone, yes, but I still have fond memories of the time. No drama, no bills, and only minor headaches.

At least for me.

The Gospel

I’m getting into my car, headed for the central Florida city otherwise known as Tampa. I have a job interview lined up tomorrow. The thought of it, and the drive ahead, make me a little nervous.

Usually I listen to DJs Russ Parr or Doug Banks in the morning. But what’s tuned on my radio is the campus station that plays gospel music early in the morning. Then I hear a song.

“What God has for me, it is for me…”

That song took me there. God sent me that song as a message to let me know everything will be all right. Right then I knew that whatever happens, happens. If I don’t get this job, then it wasn’t right for me.

After the tears fell from my face, I kept driving, feeling more at ease.

It’s happened like that again, hearing a song on the radio that seems like it was heaven-sent.

Like the time I heard, More Than I Can Bear, after a particularly grueling time when the money was tight and I wasn’t feeling too happy about my personal life. Those words got to me.

“But through it all I remember/That He loves me/And He cares/And He’ll never put more on me/Than I can bear.”

And I’m a person that simply cries when these songs get to my soul. Some people shout to the skies or dance wildly, but I simply cry and thank the Lord.

Cause everyday I AM truly blessed.

Christina, My Hero: 10 Reasons Why X-tina's No Skank!

Christina Aguilera is no skank!!!

Yes, she’s been called many a name over the years…skank, whore, dirty, no dirrrty…

And maybe she called for it. Anyone remember the assless chaps she wore so naughtily or the Rolling Stone cover that only required one piece of wardrobe, a blue guitar? Yes, we remember these things so well.

Through it all, the one thing I admired about her was that she never apologized for any of it. Through her deepest and darkest place, Christina pulled out a side of her that made the world take notice and she wasn’t ashamed to say it. And she doesn’t regret any of it.

This week, Christina delivered her latest CD, Back to Basics, and has basically “cleaned up” her act. She’s more demure than devilish, more sweet than sour. And I love it. Her CD has been the only one I’ve been listening to this week. I love her power, her inner strength and her golden pipes.

But she’s still Christina.

So this is why I’ve compiled this list of reasons why I love Christina Aguilera.

10. She’s not afraid to take chances. With Back to Basics, Christina goes out on a limb: a double CD full of retro, jazzy, numbers instead of using the regulatory thumping basslines? This new sound of hers could have alienated her fans used to the same ole pop hits. But she manages to make something old sound new–and it’s paying off. Ain’t No Other Man is a smash. And the rest of the CD, even with it’s homage to an old sound, is full of beats–just not ones made by the hot producer of the moment, ie. the Neptunes.

9. She’s intelligent. Don’t let her outrageousness fool you. This girl has a head on her shoulders, one that knows what’s good for her. Christina’s been through a lot in her young life, and it’s taught her well.

8. She never let any obstacle get her down. Backstabbers, scheming managers, so-called friends…Christina’s been through it all. Growing up in an abusive household, Christina persevered, leaning on her music to get her through rough times. It’s certainly paid off.

7. She manages to remain fresh. Anyone that can go from a teen queen, a goth princess, to a jazz ingenue and successfully conquer them all, has got my vote.

6. She’s found love. Read or hear any interview lately, and all you will hear Christina talking about is her new husband, Jordan Bratman. He’s the love of her life, someone who made her believe in love again. After being in so many failed relationships, she’s finally found a man that loves her unconditionally. Congrats!!!

5. She can sing her ass off. No one will argue that Christina can’t sing. That girl does things with her voice that defy the laws of sound. I don’t know where a voice like hers comes from, especially out of that 5’1 frame. Yes, I do…it comes from deep inside her soul. Eat your heart out, Britney!!

4. She fights for the rights of all women. Can’t Hold Me Down is more than just another song from her Stripped album. It’s what Christina truly feels. She believes there is definitely a double standard regarding women in this society. So she speaks her mind, saying we’re not whores and treat us with respect. Awesome!

3. She channels her feelings into something beautiful. All that she’s been through comes out in her music. Everything she feels is produced through song, including BTB‘s F.U.S.S., where she lambastes Scott Storch for his fucked-up attitude. You go girl!

2. She’s sexy. That girl, her voice, her confident attitude…what more could a lesbian ask for?

1. She never has regrets. Even her phase as a teeny-bopper singer, with the likes of Britney, Jessica and Mandy, Christina doesn’t regret. She says it made her whom she is today. If it wasn’t for Genie in a Bottle, there would be no Beautiful or Ain’t No Other Man. Just like Christina, I live my life with no regrets. Everything teaches you something and nothing is in vain.

Lesbian Politics 101

blacklesbianloveWho’s the stud? Who’s the femme? Who’s on top? Who’s wearing the dildo? Who’s dominant and who’s submissive? Am I an aggressive femme or a soft stud? Why can’t we be friends? And why are we still friends, even after our horrible breakup?

The sexual politics of lesbians can be quite complicated. A woman is a complex creature; a bundle of insecurities and desires and emotions that make the bond between two women all the more heightened.

Take for instance the courtship of lesbians (if one can call moving in after one date a courtship). I go into the first telephone call with a potential love interest imagining what she looks like. And where we’ll end up. From our initial conversation I can tell if she’s right for me, and if it’s a really good convo, I’m thinking what the sex with her will be like. Will she be an attentive lover or one who has so much braggadocio but can’t back it up in the sack?

Then it’s the first public meeting. In my mind I’ve already assessed what I believe she’ll look like: a muscular stud with the softness of a woman.

And my perceptions never quite match what’s standing before me.

She’s cute, yes, but a little darker than I expected. She told me her hair was dark blonde, but hell, that’s platinum blonde. She said she was 5’8’’…more like 5’3’’. Oooh, tattoos.

Then the date. We pick somewhere neutral, like a movie theatre or a restaurant or the nearest bookstore. From there we figure out whether this should go any further. It does, and we simply get to know each other. But then it gets tricky.

Who should pay? Should we go Dutch? I really want the big ole lobster, but for tonight I’ll only get a Caesar salad not to look too greedy.

Then the end of the night. To kiss or not to kiss. What the hell am I saying? We’re lesbians; of course we’re gonna twine our tongues together. At this point it’s simply a matter of how far down the kisses are going or who’s place it’s gonna be.

And even that can be chaotic. Learning each other’s sexual roles and behaviors come into play.

I’m a bottom who likes to be on top sometimes. She’s a stud who doesn’t like receiving oral, but I’m a femme dying to taste her sweet nectar. I like penetration—but vaginal ONLY. She likes her nipples to be bitten or pinched but never licked. I’m a pillow princess but don’t mind trying your ass up and taking control of you every now and then. Toys are definitely ok, but use condoms please.

Tomorrow, we’re a couple. Exclusivity. You’re mine and I’m yours.

By a few months (or weeks), it’s deciding whose stuff goes where in the apartment.

And then, it comes a point where you need your space. Or she’s chatting on the computer a little too much. Or you discover she’s suddenly very chatty with her ex, the one who used to be your best friend until two you drifted apart, but now she’s dating another member in your circle of lesbians.

Then there’s the unmingling of your things after realizing it just ain’t working out. But that doesn’t mean she disappears. She’s still in your circle, the one that doesn’t break unless by death. And even though she’s broken up about the breakup, it doesn’t mean you don’t still sleep together every now and then.

Yes, the politics are very complicated.

So let’s backtrack. Let’s say the date went just okay, but it’s just enough attraction there for us to sleep together. Maybe more but not tonight. It’s simply acting on a feeling that we’re both feeling. However, we’re talking about two red-blooded females here, a pair of complicated creatures, like I said. And everyone knows that two women engaging in a sexual act isn’t simply an act. For one or both of you, it’s more. Maybe not love, but more than just sex. And once the oxytocin is released, you can forget trying to stop that loving feeling.

Then there’s the blowing up of the phone. One of you wants more than just a cum-filled night; the other simply wants to remain cool and see each other occasionally. Words are exchanged; feelings get hurt. Two emotional beings trying to find a place for each other when you both have different expectations of one another.

Yes, the politics are very complicated.

However the love of a woman is something I would never give up on. Cause when it’s right, it’s so right.

By the way, some incriminating details have been slightly altered to protect the not-so-innocent (preferably me). 😉