Disappearing Acts

I’m laying on my living room couch, that comfy one that you can take the most unbelievable naps in. I’m two seconds before falling into slumberland, and then I hear cell phone blaring my hot-ringer-for-the-moment (this week it’s Alicia Keys’ Unbreakable), letting me know I’m getting a call.

Leaning over, I scan the caller ID and glance at a name I haven’t seen in good minute…a real long minute. One of those names I thought would only pop up if the apocalypse was near.

I flip the phone open and click the Answer button. “Hello?”

“Hey, girl. How you doing?” the female asks cheerily, like we had talked only yesterday. It’s really been close to seven months since our last convo. No phone call, only the occasional lazy IM asking about things as bland as work and the weather, but otherwise no communication. And this was a person I used to hang with from time to time.

“Uhh, I’m okay. How are you? Haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Yeah, I been dealing with some things.” Translation: I have a new girlfriend, and it wouldn’t have been cool for me to call you.

“Oh, okay,” I say, but really I’m thinking why the hell is she calling.

As if reading my thoughts, she says, “I just wanted to call to see how you’re doing. You were on my mind today.” Translation: my girlfriend and I just broke up, and now I’m trying to see what’s up with you.

“Was I now?” I ask coyly. This conversation has gone on for about 3 minutes so far. And we haven’t really said shit.

“Yeah, you know we should hang out sometime soon.”

Uhh, right. So I say the standard response of, “Yeah, we should. Just call me sometime.” Knowing full well that we probably won’t cause I won’t hear from her until the next six months she calls. When her and her girlfriend are “taking a break.”

I’m not too keen about blast-from-the-past-chicks, as I like to call them. These are the women you have saved in your cell’s phonebook, but never show up in your incoming calls list.

Quite possibly a few of them do genuinely think about you; maybe like Mary she was reminiscing on some time we shared. I don’t mind that kind of call. It’s pretty sweet.

But then there’s the other BFTP chick who simply calls because her and her girl had a fight or she’s lonely and looking for someone “to spend time with” (as a rebound, unbeknownst to you). Be her “in the meantime” girl, as my lesbian twin (shotout to L!) likes to call them. The ones who call steadily for a hot minute, and then later simply disappear. Vanish into thin air. Those the chicks I’m talking about.

Like old girl who called me when I was half-asleep.

I should have used my Ignore button.

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