(The idea of) perfection will be my downfall.
As much as my head realizes life isn’t perfect, tell that to my heart. I don’t like to show the hurts, the flaws that come with love. Therefore this post has been in my head for while and not on this blog, an outlet I’ve been neglecting.
Lebron and I are far from perfect. In fact, there are issues we’re both know are there. We’ve been glaring at them for months. We talk, and try, and still have the best time together. The love is still there.
But in my heart, things have changed. I don’t know what will happen. And I hate to admit that, because the looming feeling of failure (Lord, I hated even to type that word) creeps in.
I remember the days of our blossoming friendship years ago, hours spent on the phone and Yahoo messenger, feeling like I’d known this person all my life. We stayed connected through other relationships, distance and time. When we were finally at the place where we could be together, it was on. I felt like I’d finally found the romance that was based on a long and loyal affection.
Now I wish we could go back to those days, when all we did was laugh endlessly. We would talk about something serious - about friends, family our feelings - and then joke, “Okay, let’s talk about rainbows and kitties now.” (You had to be there.)
We’re older though, and the best friend is now my lover. She’s still my best friend, but those rainbows and kitties can’t save us. The only thing that save us is ourselves. Coming to terms of whether we should fight or let it go.
And in the meantime, I have to figure out what’s best for me.
well, hello there! thanks for posting. i’ve been stalking your blog for awhile. that being said, i wouldn’t expect anything less from my deepdiva! this post is definitely deep and gives me a bit to think about. i hope you continue to let us take this journey with you as you discover what is best for you.
Hmmm. *taps chin*
1. Personally, I find perfection boring.
2. If talking isn’t working, perhaps a different approach is needed. Maybe try to recapture whatever it is that was working so well in the beginning that’s faded away now. Leaving it in limbo is just gonna make the issues escalate. Don’t be afraid to fight, Diva. Just remember to follow the rules: http://www.autostraddle.com/lesbian-fight-club-rules-of-arguments-54557/
Oh my heart! I feel for you and your situation.
Like K, I would like for you to fight. But, what I want you to fight for isn’t necessarily your relationship. I want you to fight for your happiness… wherever that may lead you.
Thanks, you guys. The happiness part is what I’m focusing on moreso than anything else.
How come there arent anymore blogs
…I’m 19. And Let me just say being this lil fem isnt the easiest thing. How come being with that one girl never seems to have any substance? I want her forever? Is that stupid? were so young …. How come guys and girls stay married for years … is my commitment to my gf not as worthy ? Is being lesbian not as worthy ?