I’ve been told I don’t look gay, whatever that means. As a matter of fact, one woman’s exact words — and mind you this is from a girl I was crushing on at the time — were, “I just can’t see you being gay.”
Maybe it’s because I dress a tad bit on the conservative side. Maybe it’s because of my petite stature, standing at around five feet tall. Or maybe it’s because I look young for age, as I’ve been told many a time (I was carded for lottery tickets a couple weeks ago; I’m 30.
But the gist is that, apparently, I’m straight-looking. To some, I don’t look like I have girlfriends or could kiss a woman, among other things. It used to bother me back in the day, especially when I was single and looking. Whereas my former roommate could simply walk on campus and meet several new female friends at the drop of a hat, I was stuck with the perception that I just needed “a good man in my life.”
It also made it harder for my mother when I came out to her. In her head, she had seen me wear dresses and makeup (unlike my older sister) and have boyfriends. In her view of me, my mother could never imagine me as a lesbian. To this day, she still utters, “I just can’t believe it.”
It’s that age old debate lesbians have about which role has an easier time coming out - femmes or studs/butches. Lebron would argue that it’s better to come out as a femme because afterward, a feminine women can blend bend in society — and at least your parents hold on to the dream of you having kids. This is where I disagree, because as a stud there are no misconceptions about (usually) your role. Growing up tomboyish or even flamboyantly can almost always be detected at an earlier age. Haven’t you ever seen a boy who seems a little bit too interested in dolls, instead of Tonka trucks at age 5? Let me just say that it doesn’t guarantee he’s gay, but chances are likely. And in growing up stud, the idea of being gay is always in the back of someone’s mind. Nobody blinks when they say, “Hey, Mom and Dad. I’m gay.”
“Okay, pass the peas.”
Like I said, perception is everything.
I can’t say that being straight looking is a bad thing. Most people at work don’t know about me, and I’d prefer to keep it that way. Because the things they say to me about gay folks would make them feel like assholes if they knew about my sexuality. Like the co-worker who once said to me, “If I had a friend who was gay, I would drop them.” She was serious, yet this is the same one who will tell me all her business — about how many men she’s currently juggling — but can’t understand how being gay isn’t a perversity.
And I hear these lovely tidbits only because I don’t look gay. Cause like I said, perception is everything.
It is everything. My sister (half sister) came out a few months ago to her mother. I don’t know how it was hard for them to figure out. I knew before she even told me. I am like the girlie girl sister and she was the tomboyish never wear a skirt in her life sister. She even walks and kinda talk like a guy. She was my fathers boy. You know he loves basketball and my sister got a scholarship. Me I didn’t like to sweat. I ran track and that was about it.
Well my sister mother is totally disappointed in her. She has really made her life kinda a living hell. My sister is also very religious, so they got her thinking she is going to hell. So when I told my sister I was bi. She was like I wouldn’t in a million years thought you got down like that. So I have been there for her support..
It’s good that you’re there for your sister. She needs someone there for support, and she can be your rock as well. That’s how me and my sister are (although she’s not gay). She grew up tomboyish, and I was the girlie girl. How ironic I’m the one who became lesbian. It has my mother all confused
Wow….interesting as for me, even when I was not in the lifestyle ppl stated u look gay…I was like yes I’m happy & so should u be. Personally, now I don’t care what ppl think or say – I’ve always been the type to say ppl who talk about what something you have….damn haters; but trying to get at least 10 more by the end of year. I say to you, do you, love intelligent woman….I wanna be able to conversate before & after sex. So ma don’t be offended — I love it. LoL
I get the same thing all of the time! And I absolutely agree with you – I also think that if I were butch people would take me seriously instead of asking me if I tried hard enough to meet a good man. It’s been ten years and my mom is still waiting for me to bring a guy home. Sheesh. Drives me nuts.
Okay…so men do not turn me on as much as women do… I have been ,sexually that is, with two women… One was too clingy and the other too busy to grow into a relationship with me. I do not look gay…actually I am some bodies mother… I have never cared what perception society has of me. am I lesbian or am I just curious…?